Oh to be 24 with no kids, no boyfriend, just you.
It’s still slightly hard, though, folks.
Anyway, what I really want to talk about is…oh the places I’ve gone, the people I’ve seen, and the things I’ve done, despite having nothing.
I’ve recently relocated back to Chattanooga without a job or a car. I got a job soon enough, but I have to be licensed so I’ve been spending a lot of time reading course material and taking quizzes and more quizzes. They’ve been hard. I’m the test taker who’s tricked by every trick in the book even though I continually remind myself not to be. But through all my failures I’ve progressed and soon will start my job and get paid and get a car. Now that my preface is over, let’s move to the body.
A friend of mine sent me a letter from Wilmer Mills, who recently died from lung cancer. In it he discusses time, chronos, and kairos. The former being living by the clock and calendar and the other living in the moments of eternity we are given in life. This abundant time I’ve had since February, unemployed, has kind of driven me a little crazy. I feel guilty in some ways to have so much on my hands, especially now when I have a job, but I have to pass these exams (I’ve been getting better, which makes it worse because then I don’t need to spend all day studying). So, I’ve had a lot of time in Chattanooga, spending it with some of my favorite people, should I really be feeling guilty? No. Something Wilmer said really struck me, “Too often we live only for the clock and fail to notice how, in the absence of incremental time, we would be more able to see the pattern in the rug, how the stained glass windows of our lives make sense as wholes and not as mere pieces.” If there’s anything I’ve been truly guilty of it’s been staring at the clock too long and not at the steady flow of God’s provision and grace. I see me failing to meet the standards of the world with no car and with having not started my job. But what my focus needs to be on is the bigger picture here, God’s given me a ton of time to get resettled, to spend ample time helping dear friends, and being helped by them. He’s given me an exorbitant amount of time to be inundated with his grace. He knows my needs and meets them, compassing me with blessing.
So this summer my focus is not on the clock or calendar, but rather on the big picture of God’s sovereignty in my life as he works through me in each and every circumstance, drawing me closer to him.